Liniment for the Heart

I remember the woman who randomly talked with me at Starbucks while I was reviewing for NMAT. She told me I look smart (or something like that) I should go to UP (University of the Philippines) for a postgraduate degree or something else like Law because it is very different there. She also thought I was just forced to do reviews and all. 

Perhaps, I looked smart because of my glasses, braces, and many papers and notebooks on my table. Anyhow, the question here is, “what should I do with my life?” Or the other way around, “what should life do to me?”. 

Still jobless, I still can’t seem to fix my mind on a certain thing. I need a stable job. I need to earn. I need to feed myself. I need to work my ass off. I need to prove something. I need to make the whole family proud. 

My classmates, after graduation, flew to different parts of the country, to well, start working. I say they are very amazing to have acquired jobs instantly.

I’ve attended career programs, job fairs, been interviewed a lot. Got accepted, others still pending, still reviewing, or maybe some got me rejected. I don’t know, but I’m not hoping.  

Weird feeling. I really don’t know if I’m still dependent on the Universe or God or Luck, or what. But I’m sure that my heart and soul are still believing.

Even if no one believes in me.